For years, I found myself caught in the cycle of putting everyone else’s needs before my own. As a natural giver, I thought I was just being kind, supportive, and reliable. But deep down, I was exhausted—mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I didn’t realize that I had tied my sense of worth to how much I could do for others, and over time, it became a silent burden that I carried.

One moment stands out vividly. A close friend called me late at night, overwhelmed with problems that, once again, I jumped in to fix. I dropped everything, sacrificing my own plans, my own rest, and even my own peace. When I hung up the phone, I felt depleted. But what hit me hardest was the realization that I had done this over and over again—not just with this friend, but in many of my relationships. I wasn’t showing up for myself the way I showed up for everyone else.

That night, I had an honest conversation with myself. I asked: Why do I feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness? Why do I struggle to say no? And then, I turned to the One who always has the answers—Jesus.

Through prayer, reflection, and seeking His wisdom, I realized I had my priorities out of order. Scripture reminds us in Matthew 6:33, “But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” I had been placing people’s needs before my relationship with God, and in turn, before my own well-being. But when I put Jesus first, everything else started falling into place.

What is Co-Dependency?

Co-dependency is a behavioral and emotional condition where a person places an unhealthy level of responsibility for another person’s emotions, decisions, or well-being onto themselves. It often starts from a place of love and care, but over time, it becomes draining and leads to resentment, burnout, and a loss of self-identity.

Co-dependent relationships are not just between romantic partners. They can exist between parents and children, friends, siblings, or even in workplace dynamics. If you find yourself constantly sacrificing your needs for someone else and struggling with guilt when you don’t, you may be dealing with co-dependency.

Are You Co-Dependent? Here Are 3 Signs to Look For:

Co-dependency can be sneaky because it often disguises itself as love, loyalty, or responsibility. But if you’re feeling emotionally drained, constantly fixing others’ problems, or struggling with boundaries, it may be time to check in with yourself. Here are three common signs of co-dependency:

1. You Feel Responsible for Other People’s Emotions

Do you find yourself absorbing the emotions of others? If someone is upset, do you immediately feel the urge to fix it—even at the cost of your own peace? Co-dependents often take on the emotional burdens of others as if they are their own. You may feel anxious if someone is unhappy with you or struggle with guilt when you can’t “make things better” for them.

2. You Struggle to Say No

You say “yes” even when you’re overwhelmed, exhausted, or don’t have the capacity. You may fear disappointing others or worry they will think less of you if you set boundaries. Instead of feeling empowered by your decisions, you may feel trapped—constantly putting others first while neglecting your own needs.

3. You Seek Validation Through Helping Others

Your sense of self-worth is tied to how much you do for people. When you help, you feel needed and valued. But when people don’t reciprocate the same level of care, you may feel unappreciated, resentful, or even question your worth. If your identity is built around being the “fixer” or “helper,” it can be hard to step away from co-dependent behaviors.

Once you embrace this mindset, you will start to find peace. I know I felt less guilty for setting boundaries. Instead, I felt free—knowing that God never intended for me to carry burdens that weren’t mine to carry. Even when they seem that should be. 

Two Ways to Break Free from Co-Dependency

Breaking free from co-dependency doesn’t happen overnight, but it is possible with intentional steps. Here are two powerful ways to start:

1. Put Jesus First & Trust His Plan

When we seek God first, we shift our focus from pleasing people to following His purpose for us. Ask yourself: Am I doing this out of love, or out of fear of rejection? Let God guide your relationships to be healthy, balanced, and aligned with His will.

2. Set Boundaries Without Guilt

Jesus Himself set boundaries—He stepped away to pray, He didn’t heal on demand, and He didn’t let others dictate His actions. It’s okay to say no. When you prioritize your well-being, you create space for the right people to respect and value you for who you are, not just for what you do for them.

A simple boundary-setting statement could be:

• “I love and care about you, but I can’t take this on right now.”
  
• “I need to take care of myself too, so I won’t be able to do that.”
  
• “I trust that you’ll figure this out, and I’m here to support you, not solve it for you.”
  

If you see yourself in my story, know this: You are worthy of love, respect, and care—without having to overextend yourself. You don’t have to believe in Jesus to stop the co-dependency cycle, even though it does help. Breaking free from co-dependency isn’t about abandoning others; it’s about choosing to care for yourself just as much as you care for them while keeping God at the center of it all. 

Jesus first. Then you—your relationship, your family, and your friends. When we align our lives with His plan, we step into freedom.

Are you ready to shift from feeling drained to thriving? I offer one-on-one and group coaching.  Let’s walk this journey together!Pam Drzewiecki
Success and Motivational Coach | Speaker
Powerful Purpose | Purpose Den | Fill the Purse with Purpose