What happens to your identity when the person who needed you most suddenly doesn’t? When our children find their independence, we often find ourselves standing in a quiet house, wondering who we are without the ‘fixer’ hat on.
Do you ever feel like something is just… off?
For months, you’ve been in the trenches, helping your child navigate the move to college. You’ve been their sounding board, their fixer, and their constant connection to home. Then, suddenly, it happens: they find their groove. They stop calling for every little thing. They’ve built a life that doesn’t require you to be “on” 24/7.
Isn’t that exactly what we raised them for? To be independent?
So why does it feel so empty?
When we step back, we realize the “off” feeling isn’t about them; it’s about us. It’s about the roles we’ve played for decades. Letting go of someone else’s destiny means you finally have to start living your own. Whether it’s in parenting, your career, or a changing relationship, that shift can leave you feeling adrift.
To help navigate this, I want to share three powerful words that define this transition: Trust, Justify, and Release.
1. Trust
The firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
This is a big one, especially if trust has been bruised in the past. But without trust, there is no stepping forward. Remember: Trusting with boundaries is okay. You can believe in their ability to fly while still protecting your own peace of mind.
Journal on this: Where has my trust been broken down? How can I portray confidence in them without letting my own doubts crush their momentum?
2. Justify
To show or prove to be right or reasonable.
We often justify our own reactions or the behaviors of others to make sense of the world. “I acted this way because I was stressed,” or “They were distant because they’re overwhelmed.” Justifying isn’t about declaring a “winner” in an argument—it’s about seeking understanding. It allows us to see the “why” behind the behavior, so we don’t take it personally.
Journal on this: Why do I feel the need to justify? Am I seeing my own reflection in the justifications I make for others?
3. Release
The action or process of being set free.
In my experience, this is the hardest step. When we are called to release, the ghosts of the past—old feelings, old habits, old fears—tend to resurface. It’s hard to trust or justify when you’re still white-knuckling the past.
Journal on this: What am I actually holding onto? How and when will I take the action to let it go—is it during a phone call, an email, or right now in this moment?
Finding Your New Groove
Which of these three speaks to you most today? Is it one, or all three?
For my clients, the members of The Purpose Den, and myself, the key is to spend time journaling, praying, and strategizing. Brain-dump your feelings and start sorting through the clutter.
You are supported. You are capable. You are embracing what is next.
Life is filled with curveballs, and sometimes the hardest ones are the ones that actually go “right.” Be patient with yourself as you find your new rhythm. You’ve spent years helping them find their destiny—now, it’s time to start living yours.
You are not alone. You are supported. You are embracing what is next.
With love, patience, and gratitude,
– Pam
P.S. We dive deeper into the “Release” phase inside the Purpose Den. If you are looking for a safe, non-judgmental space to let go of the past and strategize for your future, we would love to have you. Click here to join us.
