Work Towards Being at Peace


Pam Drzewiecki


Wow, what an amazing conversation I had with Kay Coughlin. We could have talked for hours. The synergy was uncanny. Kay and I meet a few years ago at a Jeff Walker’s LaunchCon (digital marketing conference) in Florida.

The room was on fire; Jeff Walker was on fire; there was so much energy from the attendees. Then, all of a sudden, this gentle kind woman sat down next to me, we smiled, and I felt connected. We talked off and on throughout the weekend. We later connected on LinkedIn and continued to follow each other.

Now I didn’t know a lot about Kay other than she has a fabulous presence, and her consistency shined through. Following her on LinkedIn, I watched her video series, her posts, and saw the collaboration she did on a book (called Unstoppable: Stories of Change Makers Who Dare to Make a Difference.). I got this feeling she needed to be part of the #tbml Spotlight Interview Series. Boy, was I right!

Kay is a coach for family caregivers. She is compassionate, knowledgeable, insightful, and easy to talk with. What a perfect combination for what she does and offers. Kay has been the CEO and CFO (chief facilitator office) of Facilitator on Fire her own business for 10+ years. ( Her work helps caregivers that are stuck in the “emotional grind.” Kay helps them learn to guide themselves with tools, resources, and skills. Her offerings don’t stop there; she is a keynote speaker and delivers as a workshop facilitator titled, “Connecting Across Generations”.

During our time together, I asked her a few questions:

Was there a moment You Took Back Your Life?

Yes, Pam. This year my Power Words were Listen and Peace. My decisions are based on faith and spending time with God to move me. (at this point, I knew I was connected with her for a reason). By giving it over to the Lord, my type-A, and being a strong planning personality was being shifted into clarity.

I knew that I needed to pay more attention to helping family caregivers when my mom fell, my boys were supposed to go on their mission trip, and I was putting together a “Feed the Hungry,” a garden at my church. This is a passion project, and our mission is to feed both kinds of hunger: bellies and souls. While all this was happening at once, I became exhausted. I took note of how I was slipping back into my old habits of shame, blame, and inability to ground myself. I was taking frantic action instead of thinking thoughts of how can I sustain me. I knew I had to go to my own self-coaching, take a step back, and observe. I had to forgive me. So I could give love and compassion.

I noticed when I couldn’t forgive; then I can’t be at peace. This was happening. I was getting on the hamster wheel of my debilitating thoughts. This was when I started praying. “Lord, soften my heart, give me better ears so I can know you and listen to you and YOU can use me.”

What a difference awareness has brought to me.

What are the self-care tips you would like to share with the readers?

  • Practice self-awareness – check in with yourself often.
  • Be at peace with your ego – be true to yourself, but don’t put yourself at the center of the world.
  • Daily prayer and meditation – “By listening, I elevate myself to a higher service to humans.”

 What process do you use to help family caregivers make a shift?

I call it Decoding Your “Emotional Grind”: It is a technique that highlights each stage of self-awareness.

  • Observe- Take a step back and see what is happening.
  • Process/Feel – Take time to digest and feel your emotions.
  • Be Intentional – Choose your thoughts and actions mindfully and with authenticity.
  • To dig deeper into this process, please reach out to Kay at [email protected]. You will be so happy you did.

“Trying to “let things go” is meaningless. Work towards being at peace instead.” -Kay Coughlin

Oh my, so many take-a-ways from my time with Kay. We are soul sisters. Soaking up our faith and bringing the talents that have been given to us in the world to make it a better place. It was such a pleasure, and I am sure you will see more of us together in the future.

Please check out Kay’s resources at Her coaching superpowers are peaceful, resourceful, and insightful.

Kay, thank you for being part of the Take Back MY Life Spotlight Series. Where I showcase women that have found how to take back their life, living their lives with purpose and not driven by circumstance.

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